So, I had this red lace knotted in my wrist for a bit more than two years now. It holds a lot of meaning to me, I received it in the sweet fifteen birthday of a friend’s daughter (that identified us as able to grab alcohol from the bar). A person I hold very dear tied it to me and I did the same to her.

Why do I still have it? For starters it’s quite robust, I didn’t expect it to last this longer.
On the other paw, I keep it because it remembers me of all those wonderful years we had, when I felt like I’ve found my purpose and place in Life. I look at it and feel warm inside, with fondling memories of all the adventures we’ve been through, how we grew together.

I don’t hold any hope things will be back as they were. I thought I was ready to let go, forget everything and start again from a clean slate but turns out I’m not.

It reminds me of the kind of Man I could be. It points to the north.

I don’t like what I’ve become after we splitted paths. But I know I’m capable of more.

I just have to figure out how to rise up and take control of my life, how to build strength to start again.

Looking back, it appears I hit rock bottom in periods of about eight years. There’s one upside of being so torn inside, the only possible way is up. But when?