Yesterday, after almost exactly a year it was over.
We met for the first time on November 2016 while at PyCon. It was just like a dream.
The farewell party was at a very large house with pool and a park.
After a while of all the noise, shallow chit chat and drunken jokes I went for a walk at the park. It was dimly lit and among the shadows I catched a glimpse of a cat. I followed it until it decided to stop and allowed me to pet him.
And then, She joined me. We talked a lot about how we like cats, the clear sky full of stars, funny moments of the event. We got bored of sitting near the pool and I offered to grab a big puff so we can lay and watch the stars.
But by the time I reached the house some of my friends wanted to come back to the hostel, so I had to leave as I was the designated driver.
Later on December we matched on Tinder and started to chat, moved over to whatsapp and later telegram. She was about 1000km away back then.
On our first date I was a tad nervous, almost innocent. But then the fire lit again.
We had our ups and downs, wonderful moments and some not so much. We did a couple of trips, one of the most beautiful to Bariloche.
Without doubt she was one of the few Womans that I truly cared and Loved in the last years (Love with capital L).
She was one of the two that really cared about me and gave me support in one of my darkest eras (among other things She convinced me to start seeing a psychiatrist). Also, we explored our imagination and our kinky sides. She was one of the few woman that made me open up and reveal myself with all my insecurities and weaknesses. She let my human side flourish. Perhaps a bit too much, sometimes just the right word made me cry.
But not everything was roses. I became distant and tormented with troubles, some of them real, others just a byproduct of my mind. I focused on my studies and regaining my place on the society as an active member and so I put her on a second place for most of the week.
We had previous instances where we were about to call it quits. On one of them I applied some techniques of the Dual Control model and against all odds we ended in a whirlwind of lust.
But the writing was on the wall and we saw this coming.
She put it very concisely into words:
“We Love each other a Lot.
But we are not in love.”